Ileamamta hottese mucho reado ono

Hi all,

I am married to one of the people that runs this stupid blog.

This morning, he woke up, and discussed several posts with me. The language he used was lyrical and the ideas he put forth were thoughtful. I knew a Pulitzer wasn’t that far off, and I went off to make tea for him.

When I came back, he was slumped in a chair, staring wide eyed at his laptop. He then started talking to me in some sort of alien language.

On the laptop, I found these pictures.

I realized what had happened. I drank the tea myself, and consulted a doctor. Although full recovery is unlikely, he will get back to something approaching normal in a week or so.

He is now relearning English.

I learnt later that he had inadvertently IM’d these pictures to the other people that run this blog, and they are pretty much in the same state.

So give them all a few days, ok? Unless you want to read posts in Alienese.

By the way, I think Ileana sucks. And so does Mamta.

Thanking you. Also thanking idlebrain.com and greatandhra.com for the pictures, which are from movies called Rakhee and Desamuduru.

Realityness

Reality shows are so, what’s the word – real. In fact, they are so much more real than actual life, we feel we need a new word for reality as depicted in a reality show. S*ardonic favors realityness*.

If you thought you knew life, read on to know better:

On camera massages can go too far!

Carol Gracias and Rupali Ganguly were constantly massaging Ravi Kishan’s legs and head. Even I massaged Anupama because she has a back problem. But I restricted the massage to the knees because I was well aware that the television cameras were constantly watching us. [Link]

Men can be so b*&$^#y

When I was brushing my hair Ravi came up to me and said… how grateful he was that I motivated him into losing five kgs…and then he voted me out! [Link]

Men can be so b*&$^#y Contd.

The guys all pretended to be friends with me. But…they all voted me out of the house. Can you imagine! [Link]

To tell time, you need a watch (or a clock)

In that house, there is no television, no music, no sense of time. Every day was like a year. [Link]

Self-actualization via realityness

I was a tomboy before Bigg Boss. Now, I am a woman. [Link]

My weeks inside that house have changed my attitude to life. Now I value what I have, I appreciate my friends and family. [Link]

*Truthiness was taken

Vee Are Back

We were busy.

One of the authors was busy relocating from one end of the world to the other.

A second was moving from one end of the continent to the other.

Yet another from this end of his new couch to that.

But now we are all back. And soon, the updates will be too. Until then, clean your bathrooms or something.

Bearding The Broad

Nayan, you are my world. I’ll give you anything you want.

Anything at all?

Of course, ask and ye shall get it.

Well nothing big for today. I’ve always wondered about how I’d look with one of them goatees.

Goatee?

Yes, goatee.

Ok, here you go. Photographer, make sure you get that.

Makeshift Goatee. Picture courtesy, vikatan.com

Shamelessly lifted from an IM conversation with Manoj.

Related posts: When The Behind comes out ahead…., A Tongue In Teeth Romance, Artistic Settings Are Very Horny On The Sets Of Sivaji

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Eradicating Wardrobe Malfunctions

You know how these models keep slipping out of their clothes and get away by blaming their designers? I am sure you do, dear readers, especially because you spent several hours searching for the term wardrobe malfunction on Google. (Hint: Search elsewhere). SilverScreen strongly condemns such malfunctions – it is our long held belief that the strength of the moral fabric of a society is inversely proportional to the strength of the fabric on catwalk models.

When it happened at the Lakme Fashion Week last month, the Maharashtra Government reacted rather admirably.

Maharashtra’s deputy chief minister R R Patil has ordered Mumbai police commissioner A N Roy to check the video clippings of Lakme Fashion Week, to verify if the wardrobe malfunctions that occurred on the ramp were genuine or ‘deliberate, indecent acts’.

On March 29 when Carol Gracias was walking the ramp for Bennu Sehgall’s collection, her halter top slipped off. A day later the skirt Gauhar Khan donned for the Lascelles Symons’s show split open. [Link]

But a month has passed now, and we are not sure what came out of the review. We are also not sure if Mr. A.N. Roy has come out of the sound-proof room he went into to watch the tapes in peace. Very disappointing for those of us who expected some quick action.

However, there is some good news now. Apparently, the Upper House of the Indian Parliament has spent a considerable amount of time debating the issue last week, and they’ve proposed a law making underwear compulsory for catwalk models. Thank God there are at least a few sane people left in this nation… we request all of you to write to your respective MPs to show your support for the law.

A proposal was mooted for undergarments being made mandatory for models on the catwalk and anguish expressed about clothes designed for such shows becoming shorter and tighter. [Link, through India Uncut.]

Even Rakhi Sawant agrees with us. We think.

“But undergarments are a necessity. However, on the ramp one should not interfere with the design of a dress and the episodes referred to were accidents.” She is quick to add,”But if the government feels, it should go ahead with it. [Link]

Eh, Rakhi… undergarments are a necessity, but we also strongly recommend some outergarments. In the most sensible part of the report, Amanpreet Wahi, catwalk model, brings up the question of enforcement.

An amused Amanpreet Wahi, model, simply cannot stop laughing.”If I was not wearing any, will they come to check? Who can tell me when to wear what?” [Link]

The writers at SilverScreen would like to let lawmakers know that in the interest of sewing together India’s torn moral fabric, they are willing to volunteer for the unpleasant job of checking models for proper attire before every catwalk. We’ll even do it for free – that’s how selfless we are.

Related post: To show or not to show

Update in Progress

We are updating older posts to conform to the new stylesheet that we have started using now. We apologize if posts show up multiple times on your feedreader.

Done now.

Thavamai thavamirunthu

Well, practice certainly makes perfect. Manish Malhotra, fashion designer extraordinaire, spent long years designing clothes for two-bit Bollywood stars. And at the end of this excruciating penance, voila, we geeve you ze moment of truth [Link]

Introducing SilverScreen

Someone talking to me for the first time is usually struck by two things: How incredibly handsome I am, and how incredibly smart I am. If they can get over this, they’ll be struck by two more things: How much I love movies, and how much I love books.

Someone meeting Manoj for the first time is usually struck by two things: How much he loves movies, and how much he loves music. Ok, maybe they’ll also be struck by how smart he is. Whatever. That’s not the point.

So anyways, Manoj and I spend the better part of our days IMing each other. In normal English, capitalized first words and all. (The only allowance for IMspeak is the ubiquitous brb, which I thought was a misspelt female undergarment when someone first used it on me. Now I know, and love to use it coz it sounds so, um, kinky.)

Continue reading “Introducing SilverScreen”

When The Behind comes out ahead…

From the weekly cinema features section in the DailyThanthi, here is an actual question and an actual answer.

Tweetie Bird, Tweetie Bird, my name is Rajkrishna and I would like to know how you would rank Nayanthara’s, umm.. ass?

I am the Tweetie Bird, and I would gladly give her umm.. ass 10 points more than her umm.. boobs. [Link]

The umms.. mean that euphemisms were used. Whatever. Maxim, you should go after other markets.

And to the gentleman that wants to know if the scoring was done right, here we go.