Celina Hugs Raima

Did you guys read this?

Celina Jaitley spotted Raima Sen settling her luggage at the waiting lounge.

What followed was a reunion of sorts.

The pretty actresses literally jumped around like schoolgirls, indulging in some air kissing and hugging before heading for their respective destinations. [Link]

Whoa. What were these respective destinations? Who else went with them? How do I get there? Why are my eyes glazing over now? Dang.

Kangana Ranaut Hits On People

Kangana Ranaut, “next hottest thing in Bollywood,” had a harrowing experience last month. She was told that she was the recipient of something called the Sabsey Favorite Nayi Heroine award, but when she showed up late at the venue, the organizers had decided to give the award to Soha Ali Khan instead.

“I was told to stay on and that my trophy would be sent to me at home. I sat through the rest of the function without knowing that my award had been given to someone else. I didn’t even know Soha got the award until a friend phoned to say so. It’s rather sad and funny,” said Kangana, who made an impressive debut with “Gangster – A Love Story” this year. [Link]

So when Kangana headed to Kuala Lumpur to receive her best actress award at GIFA, she was understandably worried. What if the organizers decided to give the award to Hrithik Roshan for Krrish instead? Thankfully, nothing of that sort happened, and an elated Kangana decided to hit on Hrithik instead.

After GIFA Kangana has become a huge fan of Hrithik Roshan. “In a world filled with dishonourable intentions Hrithik is such a thorough genteleman. He knows how to make a lady feel special. He spoke to me as if I was the best actress in the world.

I think his wife is very very lucky?Where can I find a husband like that?” sighs Kangana who has no one that special in her life. [Link]

And now, Kangana went to the Dubai Festival where she ran into Jesse Metcalfe, who is some type of male person, I think. And promptly enough,

Whispers Kangana, “I’ve had a secret crush on Jesse whose name I didn’t know. But like any 19-year old my heart would kip beats when he seduced Eva Longoria in Desperate Housewives. I’d wish he’d seduce me. And now there he was sitting right in the row in front of me at the premiere of Emilio Estavez’s new film Bobby…” [Link]

Damn, this girl is dangerous. Next time she heads to Florida, I’ll have to make an effort to stay out of sight. You guys will be ok though – most of you aren’t as handsome as me.

Sneha Saves Sandhya

Sandhya and Sneha, bless their souls, were returning home on New Year’s Eve when disaster seems to have struck. Sandhya’s rickety old car somehow managed to entangle itself in some quality Chennai slush.

After completing their commitments for a private television channel for a new-year day programme, both Sneha and Sandhya were returning on the ECR in their car. Unfortunately Sandhya’s car got struck and it could not be moved. It was Sneha who rushed to Sandhya’s rescue. [Link]

“Auntyji, if you ever have a flat, give me a call. I got several tires I can spare,” a grateful Sandhya is reported to have said to Sneha before leaving.

Fire At Vijaykumar’s House

The hottest news out of Chennai today is that there was some sort of fire at the house of actor Vijayakumar. Vijayakumar, incidentally, has four kids, all of whom have been in movies at one time or the other. The kids managed to land roles mostly because of Vijayakumar calling in debts from his old producers.

“Remember when I acted in your movie? I acted so much in that role, you owe me big. Now please give my daughter a role, even though she can’t act. After ten movies, we’ll be even.”

If I know my math, there is still a lot of roles left to collect, especially from the producer of Kizhakku Cheemyile. Anyways, here is what happened yesterday:

Fire broke out in the house of actor Vijayakumar at Ekkaduthangal in Chennai on Tuesday. The actor was living in the house along with his son Arun Vijay, who got married recently.

Arun Vijay was the one who saw the billowing flames emanating from the bedroom in the first floor of the office. He immediately alerted Fire Service personnel.

Fire and Rescue Service personnel reached the spot and doused the fire. [Link]

Investigators can safely rule out members of Vijaykumar’s household as possible arsonists. They just aren’t that hot, plus Sridevi was probably shooting in Hyderabad…. On second thoughts, investigators should probably try to find out why the fire didn’t die by itself when it looked at Arun Vijay. I think there might be a Nobel in there somewhere.

The Silence Is Doomed

Nishabd , the Ram Gopal Varma masterpiece to be, has been wrapped up last month. I think that means it is like done or something. Sadly though, things aren’t looking too good for Nishabd.

Firstly, Amitabh Bachchan sings a song for the movie.

Varma can’t stop raving. “You’ve to hear how Mr Bachchan sounds in the number. When I heard him do the song in Baabul I thought that was the ultimate. But after hearing him sing Vishal’s song in my Nishabd I’ve decided this is his best song ever…” [Link]

I so want to believe that, except:

Ironically the Big B maintains he’s not a singer. “I don’t know how to sing. I never did. Earlier too when I sang for Silsila (Neela aasman so gaya) I cringed. Even now my reaction is the same”. [Link]

You hit the nail on its head, sir. Now may I please request you to watch a few of your movies, say, Boom and Baabul? Do let us know what you think…

And secondly, Nishabd is up against some stiff competition.

… it comes as a surprise to see the pace go down for the publicity of ‘Nishabd’. The promos that had arrived with a bang are suddenly finding them extinct with the promotion of some other films taking precedence over it. A movie that appeared to be coming to the town soon now seems to have gone slow.

One wonders if ‘Nishabd’ would eventually arrive in an anyways overcrowded February that has confirmed releases like Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd., Traffic Signal, Eklavya – The Royal Guard, Shakalaka Boom Boom and Metro lined up. [Link]

Is there any way a movie can compete against Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd. and Traffic Signal and Shakalaka Boom Boom and come out ahead? I think Mr. Varma should rename his movie Nishabd: Silence Is Skimpy to even stand a chance. Whaddya say, Lindsay Lohan?

Namitha Sheds Tears

I still remember it like it was yesterday. One day last month, a mild drizzle had woken up the city. I was out shopping for groceries when I ran into Jessica Alba in a bikini. I closed my eyes and opened them again. In that interval, the girl had morphed into someone that was clearly not Jessica. And in that very same interval, a movie was released in theaters in Tamil Nadu and flopped miserably. It was titled Until There Is A Heart (Nenjirukkum Varai).

Damn, was that the most pathetic first line ever or what. Some moron told me that Jessica Alba would bring me visitors, and I figured I would work her name into my post with a touch of class, but who am I kidding? Eww, I can’t believe people read this blog.

So anyways, what I was trying to say was that this movie – Until There Is A Heart – flopped. And flopped miserably. Jessica Alba. Britney Spears. Undergarments.

Well, I am not surprised at all, because here is what happened at the premiere:

After watching the preview show, Namita came out with tears in her eyes. Precisely the climax has had its effect on her.

I have never seen a climax like this. I couldn’t control my tears, this movie will be a milestone in Naren’s career, was Namita’s acknowledgement. [Link]

It all sounds good, except that Namitha is the girl that had her cellphone stolen by a crow. And after the robbery, she had tried calling the crow to see if it would pick up her phone. And if she is moved by your movie, you are better off ripping the film roll into bite size pieces and gently wiping her tears off, ’cause whatever you may think of her, she does have a huge heart.

Pictures through thesuperficial.com and thatstamil.com

Ileamamta hottese mucho reado ono

Hi all,

I am married to one of the people that runs this stupid blog.

This morning, he woke up, and discussed several posts with me. The language he used was lyrical and the ideas he put forth were thoughtful. I knew a Pulitzer wasn’t that far off, and I went off to make tea for him.

When I came back, he was slumped in a chair, staring wide eyed at his laptop. He then started talking to me in some sort of alien language.

On the laptop, I found these pictures.

I realized what had happened. I drank the tea myself, and consulted a doctor. Although full recovery is unlikely, he will get back to something approaching normal in a week or so.

He is now relearning English.

I learnt later that he had inadvertently IM’d these pictures to the other people that run this blog, and they are pretty much in the same state.

So give them all a few days, ok? Unless you want to read posts in Alienese.

By the way, I think Ileana sucks. And so does Mamta.

Thanking you. Also thanking idlebrain.com and greatandhra.com for the pictures, which are from movies called Rakhee and Desamuduru.

Tanushree Can’t Strip Herself

Tanushree Dutta – who is quite fine just the way she is if you ask me – seems to be interested in constantly refining herself in various directions.

For example in ‘Risk’ I am not deglam completely. I am still dressed well, I have my song and dance number but the performance level has become more refined. In ‘Bhagam Bhag’ there’s a lot of glamour element. There are loud costumes and all that. But again the genre is comedy so my performance level has been refined in a different direction. [Link]

A few more rounds of this, and she’ll be like premium refined, and you can pour her down the throat of your expensive car and drive it around your neighborhood real fast. On second thoughts, maybe not. The car might start making meaningless noises that you’ll find strangely alluring. Like so:

Glamour is something which I believe is an essential part of me which I can’t strip myself of. [Link]

Something tells me she has been dating John Abraham secretly. Or maybe Aftab Shivdasani. Whoever it is, it is definitely not me, and that makes me angry.

Pictures courtesy tanushreedutta.com

Mamta Mohandas Should Try Tylenol

Mamta Mohandas must be traumatized. And hurting.

And you would be too, if you had to spend a good four hours squished between a hard handle on one side, and seventeen love handles on the other. Especially if the thing sporting the love handles had an evil grin and called itself Nayanthara. Eww, just the thought totally ruined my sleep tonight.

After the aircraft landed at Doha, the capital of Qatar, enroute to Hyderabad, Mamta joined and plunked herself next to Nayan in the Business Class.

After the flight took off from Doha, Mamta did not care to speak or acknowledge the presence of Nayantara sitting next to her… [Link]

So let me get this straight. A lady is stuck in a gigantic vise that is constantly squishing her, and you expect her to carry on a conversation with the vise? Wow, man, give her a break.

During the in-flight service, Mamta accidentally spilled water on Nayan and muttered “Sorry”, no other word was exchanged as both looked through each other… [Link]

Nice try Ms. Mohandas, but coffee usually works better.

Later to rub it in at the baggage clearance hall, Mamta went up to her and told that she did not recognize Nayan “without make-up”!… [Link]

Wow. I mean, attaboy sweetie. You just earned yourself a few fans for life.

Crow Flies Off With Namita’s Cellphone

Namita is being visited by her brother and his family at her home. During one of the family gatherings in her garden, Namita was playing with her niece.

A crow in the vicinity was stealing biscuits from the plate kept aside. In the process, the stealthy crow mistook Namita’s ultra slim cell phone to be a biscuit and grabbed it in a jiffy before taking off in the air. Namita, startled by this, chased the crow but could not recover her cell phone. [Link]

Now what gave Namita the right to carry an ultra-slim something? No wonder the crow was pissed. It was so pissed in fact, that when Namita called, it wouldn’t pick up the phone. Smart Crow.

I tried my number immediately after but the phone kept ringing, stated Namita in a melancholic voice that is unlike of her. [Link]

In a totally unrelated development, our Bollywood reporter tells us that Ajay Devgan was in Mumbai – not Chennai – when this incident happened. He does not say if Mr. Devgan can fly.

John Abraham Should Not Be Allowed To Talk

John Abraham, Bollywood Hunk, has the hots for a costar: Hema Malini in this case. Which is not an unusual thing for the man, but what is admirable is the way he intertwines a message of racial tolerance in his confession.

“During Baabul if I had shot one more day with her I’d have fallen in love with her. She’s really, really pretty,” confesses John.

Hema Malini is either black or white. [Link]

Yeah, it has to be one of those pal. Why don’t you look closer, huh? She might even turn out to be brown.

As for Amitabh Bachchan, John has piles of compliments to heap on his professionalism.

Forget about his work ethics. More importantly, he’s a nice man. [Link]

That is some compliment that. Definitely a pile of something heaped on something else.

John chortles. “People think my choices are crazy. They wonder if I’ve lost my marbles risking my life in Baabul . Well, all I’ve to say is, I prefer riding bikes instead of cars.” [Link]

That clears up everything for me. I don’t need to hear anything more from the man – I feel like I know him so well. He rides bikes, so naturally, he’ll be a rich dummy who puts his foot into his large mouth at obtuse angles. Now if you have any doubts still, here is one more quote that might help you understand John, the person.

Actually, there’re two kinds of preparations. One is the big-spectacle preparation where one prepares for the action and dance scenes like Dhoom or Cash . The other kind of preparation is my kind “[Link]

Thanks Johnny. Now get on your bike and ride home to momma, will ya? We’ve had enough for one day.

Prakash Raj Shocked

And I don’t blame him at all.

If I got into work one morning to be greeted by a gun-toting, bearded Yeti on a stationary motorcycle, I would be shocked too. I’ll then fetch Mr. Yeti a comb, but that’s besides the point.

Well, a closer read seems to reveal that Prakash Raj was actually shocked with real electricity on the sets of his new movie, Lee.

Actor Prakash Raj had a close shave while shooting for Lee in Chennai on Wednesday.

A stunt sequence was shot, during which the actor sustained electric shock. He immediately raised alarm.

Sensing trouble, director Prabhu Solomon immediately switched off the generator. Prakash Raj was rushed to a hospital nearby. [Link]

Prakash Raj will never be my hero. Letting mere electricity thwart you… shame on you, old man. Here, take this.

(Video through youtube user aravind82)

Ramu Rewrites Sholay… Not

When Ram Gopal Varma announced his intention to remake Sholay, sceptics expected nothing more than a poorly executed rehash of the original with bad actors. Not me though – I always knew Ramu was better than that, and Shiva 2006 did nothing to dispel my faith.

Today I have been vindicated.

Ramu has made drastic changes to his Sholay that will take the movie “into another territory.” Wait, now it is “into another orbit.” Here’s a sampler of what’s in store for you guys.

Radha , the widow wears black instead of white.
Basanti rides an auto -rickhaw instead of a tonga.
Samba (Sushant Singh) is Gabbar’s right-hand man and confidante and not a side-kick.[Link]

I told ya, right? Basanti in an auto-rickshaw. Isn’t he something, our Ramu? I just hope he doesn’t go overboard and change the title font or something. Now that might make the movie completely unrecognizable.

PS: I hate to second guess you Ramu saab, but are you sure about the black saree? I mean, will it have the same effect under a waterfall as the original white? Oh wait, that was Ram Teri Ganga Maili. But still, something to think about…

What? Oh just Google for Mandakini, will you? We can’t give them to you everytime.

Aishwarya Rai Is Dated

Devdas. Umrao Jaan. Choker Bali. Have you ever wondered how Aishwarya Rai has an uncanny knack of picking the worst movies ever to star in? Well, now the cat is out of the bag, and the blame lies squarely on the media:

“I’ve often been told that I belong to another era. And my selection of films reflects that old-world reality,” Aishwarya told IANS. [Link]

Whoa, hold it right there girl. All those reviews you read that said you were stone faced – they actually meant you can’t act for nuts, not that you were from the stone age or other such eras.

Although I have to admit – I am pleasantly surprised you can actually read reviews. Comprehension will follow soon enough.

Little Things To Thank Parents For: #173

Chetan Hansraj is the little kid from the Nycil ad who wanted his back scratched.

This Nycil ad I did is memorable because I think it has high recall value. Also, not many people know or believe that the kid in the ad is me… [Link]

The kid has now grown into a man that says:

“Of course men are big on bitching, but it’s harmless and more of a time pass. It is very common in our acting and modelling fraternity. But women take it on to a serious level. Personally, I would bitch among friends about other friends or co-actors. [Link]

Ankita is the cute young girl from the “I love you Rasna” ads. Now, Ankita has … just grown.

Aren’t you glad your mom hid you behind her saree when modeling coordinator uncle visited your house?

M.F. Hussain Probably Lives In A Tent

M.F. Hussain, the scary looking old painter man, is pretty predictable. He watches bad movies – really bad – and then announces that the actress that starred in the movie is his muse.

He’ll then paint the actress (on canvas) and try to sell the paintings to suckers. The money from the proceeds he’ll use to make a movie that is several orders of magnitude worse than the original. Gajagamini. No wonder then that Hussain prefers Sooraj Bharjatya movies.

A new Bharjatya movie – Vivah – that deals with “the journey from engagement to marriage” is out, and Hussain has announced that Amrita Rao has entered his canvas,whatever that means.

With his quick-on-the-draw paint brush, Husain plans to start a series of paintings inspired by Vivah and his brand-new muse Amrita Rao; “She has entered my canvas. I will construct an entire exhibition around her,” he promises. [Link]

I know you want to call him pathetic, but reserve that word, please. Use senile instead and read on.

“And of course, I will invite Amrita to be there, Shahid Latif too.”

Shahid Latif who? Does he mean Shahid Kapur? “Yes, yes… Shahid Kapur, he was good also,” he ends. [Link]

Shahid Latif, Shahid Kapur. Male names. Who cares? Well, Shahid does. He says,

Really? It’s an honour that Mr Husain has appreciated our hard work. He’s undoubtedly, the finest artiste of India. Through your paper, I would like to convey my gratitude to him. He wants to meet us .. just tell us when and where. [Link]

Honor indeed, Mr. Latif. And folks, time to unreserve pathetic now.

Aishwarya Provides Cover

Stardonic’s favorite news source carries a startling headline today, followed by a picture of some dude trying to suck all the collagen out of Nayantara’s lips.

Nayantara Hiding Behind Aishwarya Rai… [Link]

Now, call me a moron, but how in the world is that possible? I mean you could put Nayantara’s pinkie behind Aishwarya and half of it would show through. And the half that gets hidden does so only because Aishwarya is so damn dense.

Unless… unless… I wonder if Ileana was in the same room making out with Aishwarya. And then… wow. Damn, now I gotta go. Bye.

Aftab Shivdasani Can’t Really Count

Aftab Shivdasani, whoever that is, has a confession to make:

… Anything simple and natural in a woman can put me on. In fact, I find navel rings very romantic. Lots of women are getting it on these days…” [Link]

I am sure there’s nothing more natural than a navel ring right? I mean, aren’t most babies born with them these days? Although with all due respect to you young man, women were always getting it on. Trust me, I know.

Ever wonder why Aftab is not very successful in movies?

“You know I think I have a problem with the way I look. I don’t look as old as I really am. I am 28 but I look like someone in his 20s and that is going against me.” [Link]

Aftab, honey, sorry to break your bubble, but 28 olds are actually in their twenties.  Unbelievable, I know, but true. And no, women are not born with navel rings. But Santa does exist, so not all you believe in is false.